Standing Up

This blog is sort of a coming out of the box and change of direction, all muddled into one.

I believe strongly in kindness, courtesy, integrity, honesty, and treating others, animals, and the planet, with respect.

I never deliberately speak to someone in a way that could be hurtful. When people are in a complete mess, maybe of their own making, I remember that I haven’t had their life, don’t know what triggers them, and that sometimes I snap for no apparent reason and surprise myself. I do stupid things too, but you haven’t heard that from me.

I don’t expect anyone who connects with me to be right all the time, to turn up on time, to be endlessly sunny and perfect. That’s not the human condition. Are you in any way astounded to learn that I don’t get the same treatment from all but the bravest, kindest, most tolerant souls? Of course you’re not, you knew it was coming, you’ve been there.

You’d better have wings

Recently a level of tension has crept its way into my life and I’ve been sitting back pondering on what’s happening. No I don’t understand it so I’ve had to take refuge in something IS happening. When you have no means to understand then you can only deal with what’s in front of you, what’s being said and done.

Actions (and words we choose) really do speak louder than words – FACT!

Today I snapped, but instead of being in a position to deal with it, I’m having to stand back and wait. My first reaction after that’s IT was not in line with who I am. However, I came up with a saying that you might enjoy using if another human decides that you have to be a better human because they say so.

If you think you’re a better being than me you’d better have wings and a halo!
Deb Hawken – irritated of 2023

Self-respect

The intention to be kind, authentic, admit your foibles, and not take every opportunity to tear others down is often seen as weakness. People know I won’t go back at them, they know I won’t be cruel, so they’re safe to take a pop at me when life isn’t playing ball with them. You know that story too. You wouldn’t believe the strength I’m displaying today, it’s off the scales! Just staying silent until I can be balanced.

However…

Let’s just take a moment to reflect on the human condition. It’s a fallible condition for every single human being on this planet in one way or another. The problem is, in order to feel strong and right, humans often look to the foibles of others as use them as weapons. I’ve taken many hits over the years about my anxiety (the family nervous wreck).

I have all but eradicated it after 50 years of suffering. Yes I can get tired, go down, get depressed, be a bit anxious. But I’m 1/10 compared to how I used to be. Do I get respect? If I show one iota of anxiety I still get jumped on like a ninja. Thus proving I’m not perfect, which I knew.

Let’s take measurments

Firstly, in order to be scientific we need to work out what we have to weigh and measure in a human being. How else are we going to work out whose foibles are good foibles for excellent reasons, and who is wrong? What part do we remove and test, measure, compare?

A simple truth is that it’s no better nor worse to have anxiety, depression, over eat, drink too much alcohol, turn to drugs, and so on. It’s just ways we humans react to stress. I’ve never tried drugs, but I can look at people who do and think ‘what went wrong?’, because I’ve been damaged by life too. As such to attack someone for their foibles is classic of that wonderful Bible saying

Bible: New International Version – Matthew 7.3
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye
and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”

How many centuries ago was that book written and yet still we haven’t caught up?

Secondly, we have to remember that little chestnut, what we don’t know. My back story has plenty of reasons for me to have been a highly unsettled child and adult, no need to go into them here, but the point is we don’t have to share our pain in order to be respected.

How would you feel?

We all know how it feels to be hurt, criticised, and found wanting. That’s the only clue we need to treat each other with respect and remember the word why. It’s no more complex than that.

You

Years ago I used to write a lot of stuff to help people navigate an often hurtful world. I have always wanted to see if I can ease the pain we cause each other by offering different ideas that people can turn into their own jigsaw puzzle of coping.

This book is a map book. The reader is hurting and would like that to stop, they choose their starting point, decide where they want to go, and I offer a number of suggestions for route planning.

I wrote the book that way out of respect. I’d been told I was wrong so many times I was not going to write a book that was basically subtitled ‘could do better’. I wanted to show people understanding, respect, how brilliant they’ve been coping so far, and perhaps help them undo faulty programming with suggestions that they could mould to fit them their way. I wanted to be entirely empowering, and a bit different. Because the normal never worked for me.

You’re lost? I wanted to find you and support you your way.

Today I simply want to encourage you to stand tall, stand up for yourself. Respect your past but don’t dwell on it. Take control of your life and change the programming that’s hurting you.

I want to remind you that there is no rule that you have to accept bad treatment. That you won’t always be the right person in the right place, and it may be that that the place is wrong for you. I went from NHS admin, to business, and back to