If you could go back in time and give your younger self advice, what would it be?
I followed paths that I absorbed from my family. I’m not a traditional person. I felt no pressure from anyone to follow the norm and get married, yet still I floated thoughtlessly into the ‘state’, and it was a complete state!
I was forced to go to work, my father actually found me an interview and told me I was going for it. He never once asked what I would like to do.
My last year at school was a disaster, I was so bored, I was hanging out for college and something challenging. I expected to go to university but it turned out that dad thought I’d get married and have babies so he wasn’t paying for a university education.
When he asked my brother if he’d like to go to university my brother replied “you know I’m not Debbie don’t you?” That’s when I found out about the not financing a baby maker thing.
My brother told me later that he said to dad “If you think your daughter will have children you don’t know her at all. I did not have children.
That’s why I would say to my younger self think! Think about who you are, what you want from life, and if you don’t get help from anyone else make it work for yourself.
Except, I’d have to go back in time and teach her how to think, my default setting and expectation was ‘obey’. Be a good girl and you’ll keep your head, as it were.
Neil rebelled from the moment he was born and I have always admired him. He knew not to let them control him, just as he knew I would never have children. My brother was amazing. He was also my only champion. If I’d had other champions he would have been the greatest.
So…
I will say to anyone, be yourself, you cannot live your life being what other people expect. Obeying them when it’s killing you slowly, losing everything you are for an approval that if you’re anything like me, you will never get.
I realise now that I didn’t know that I had any rights until I was in my 30’s. Tony was the first person who said to me ‘what do you want?’ I couldn’t answer, I didn’t know, that had never been something I’d thought about.
Getting where I got to was so simple, so easy, and it was because of one ‘simple’ thing:
I was never allowed to think
I would tell my younger self to think, I would tell any young person to think. I would ask them “Who are you and what do you care about?”
Most importantly:
I would make sure they understood that parenthood is not ownership, and they are not just someone’s child!
Oh boy I could rant on about this one! Clearly I care about it all and what happened far more than I thought. Well well!
You think you’re well adjusted then someone asks a simple question and the lid comes off! It’s all good though. Because no one guides me but me now, and it’s nice to realise that too.
Best love
Amorah – Deb
The name Amorah states clearly exactly who and what I am.
