All the love I’ve ever had
Has turned bad
From the cradle until one single moment
Until that moment
Rather than a flame to attract
I wasn’t even a spark of light
Not even a candle extinguished by the wind
Where was my right to love and be loved?
I dreamed and I hoped
I tried and I lost
I loved and I got hurt
And I gave up
Well not quite
Because there was a voice inside me
That said
Love is yours by right
It is a divine right of being
You were born from love
Born from the light of the world
Love may have unfurled
In the wrong way
But if you go the wrong way
There is always a way back
And a way forward
Beings of love will always find those ways
I didn’t believe my own voice
I didn’t trust me
But then I began to love me
To see that I was the best me I could be
And not always wrong
Not always to be found wanting
Just human
And loveable
And real
Then I listened to that voice again
And I found love with many feet
In many ways
Feline and human
Friend and Soul Mate
In the world outside myself
And the world inside
I still don’t get everything right
For everyone
And sometimes my love falls on stony ground
To wither and die
But when I look around
There are flowers everywhere
Called people
Called pets
Called experiences
Called life
And I know
That once I was love
I became
And found
All the love I could be
As you can
And you will
If you love you enough
(And you should)
Deb (Dancing Star) Hawken
August 2017
I'm a writer, public speaker, medium, and spiritual thinker. I suffered from acute anxiety from the age of 16 until I was well into my 50s, after fearlessly exploring many ideas, philosophies, and tools, I finally found methods that helped me return my mind to a better normal. One of the things I hated about anxiety was the way people treated me like a fool or a problem, I have two degrees and I'm a (much) retired black belt, my IQ is decent, but I constantly felt like a complete idiot, something that was exacerbated by never feeling like the real me. The girl who could laugh endlessly about the smallest things, and had a real excitement about what life had to offer her. I didn't need anyone else to tell me I wasn't 'right', I knew that better than anyone. My mission now is to support people suffering as I did with a message of support with what they're going through, tools and ideas that might help, and a strong message of hope for the future. At 63, which I am at the time of writing, many people I know are in a rut, yet having beaten anxiety I'm now doing more with my life than I ever did when I was struggling just to get up in the morning, let alone face the day. It's a wonderful feeling - so the main message is that it doesn't matter how long you've been struggling or what age you are, when you beat anxiety you will get an entirely new lease of life - and that's fantastic at any age. On a personal note I'm married to my soul mate, we have 5 cats, and I live in the middle of the UK. I follow a number of fantastic thinkers, as it's important to immerse yourself in healthy thinking as often as you can, I'm a Toastmaster and professional public speaker, and I keep life simple and encourage my clients to do the same, and my friends.
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Deb Hawken 