Dancing Star

I became known as Deb Dancing Star due to my love of a saying by Nietzsche:

“One must have chaos in oneself
in order to give birth to a dancing star.”

I don’t entirely agree with that quotation now, but I still treasure it as one of the sayings that changed my life. In my spiritual work I support people who are finding this life too hard, they feel lost, but they’re not needing a one-size-fits-all package of support. For many those coaching packages work very well, but for the lost they often ask for answers to questions people don’t even have.

The loser

I tried many business courses to try to learn how to promote my work, and often came uncomfortably unstuck because the solutions they were offering didn’t fit my work, or me. How do you market “I have no idea what I will do for you when I meet you, but when I do I’ll pick up your energy and understand you instantly, faster than many would think possible, and I’ll be able to ‘see’ you.”

The so-called experts could only keep saying “build a coaching programme”. What they could not understand was that I don’t need a programme, and people often don’t need to go through a 6 week course to sort themselves out.

I do have one coaching form, described by my tutor at Newcastle College as hands down the best coaching document she’d ever seen, but it’s not a programme. It’s a 10 minute insight into yourself. I can interpret it, but many people can work through it and it becomes obvious. To me a simple, speedy, method of change has to be the best. We don’t need more complication when we’re just trying to get up in the morning, stay sane, go to bed and fail to sleep.

As you may imagine, many coaches who thought they were the last word on coaching had absolutely no idea what to do with me, and the results were often extremely uncomfortable. I walked out of one course after the first day. Obviously I was the loser in the opinion of the leader and the room, but I also know that I would have understood someone who didn’t fit into that room or that system. It wasn’t even his system, he was delivering it for someone else. When I read that guy’s book he was the most understanding person of all kinds of challenges that people face. Pity it wasn’t him delivering the course.

My take on Nietzsche

As I’ve learned more from my Guides I’ve understood that chaos is not an essential part of life and living. So whilst I would say that if you have chaos inside then do turn it into a positive, become a person who dances through life emanating sparkles. Use that negativity to create positive change.

What the saying did for me was to focus me on the idea that your negativity is not something to be feared, and I’ve concluded that it’s vital. When you feel like moaning about everything do so, and listen. You will not only be telling yourself precisely what’s wrong, you’ll also be giving yourself the solutions.

“I don’t want to go to work today” is a straightforward indicator of the problem and solution. Find another job, retire if you can, sort out your finances and if it’s possible start that business you’ve dreamed of. Maybe retrain.

Constantly telling people how unhappy you are in a relationship and everything your partner is doing wrong, is the message, and of course it’s also the solution. This person is not for you. Don’t bother about right or wrong, who’s to blame, why it isn’t your fault. Just do what you know you need to do – get happy!

Too generic?

Yes I’ve offered completely obvious information above. Information you’ve known for a very long time. But have you ever taken it seriously? Have you ever accepted that all negative speak means you’re unhappy? Unfortunately we live in a world where intellect and ‘mental health’ often obscure the blindingly obvious:

You won’t heal your mind until you put your life right. All the time you’re troubling your mind with misery it will not magically turn itself to happiness and success. As such your negative self-speak is vital!

More unique?

Cycling back to the way I work, we are all unique. When it comes to the everyday, what upsets my husband doesn’t upset me, and what irritates the whatsit out of me doesn’t even register on his radar. As such telling anyone that something shouldn’t bother them, isn’t a problem, or they’re being a bit silly, is completely unacceptable. The important point of those courses was that the person I am was never helped even though I’d paid good money. It would shatter me if someone paid me money and went home feeling worse.

The only true way to work with people is to see their uniqueness, to understand that a life you know nothing about has affected them in their own unique way. That what is or isn’t a problem to you is irrelevant in that room. That they are upset and your job is to help them find a route through to the other side in a way that is comfortable for them. They have to tell you that they’re helped, no matter what you think.

The Avatar films

I’m sort of a fan, I love the ideas about the way their societies run, I cringe at the violence.

For those who may not have seen them, they are set in the future on another planet inhabited by a very gentle race who have no violence and no means of dealing with such. We humans invade, try to take it over, and start slaughtering them. One way is to create copies of their bodies and then somehow some of the team are connected to those bodies and can live amongst them. Obviously those humans fall in love and eventually one chooses to change and becomes one of what we would call the aliens.

The thing I love about those gentle people is that they don’t say “I love you” they say “I see you”. That to me is the most profound and important difference. To see each other not as a reflection of us that is either the same, better (enter jealousy), or not so good (enter believing that you’re doing better than you are).

I see you as you are neatly encompasses my work. I’m a psychic empath (as are many people on this planet who are completely unaware of that fact), I feel how people are when I’m with them, I may politely agree that you seem very happy, even though I can feel the stress. What I don’t do under any circumstances is start reading someone who hasn’t asked me to do so. That to me is highly rude and the height of unprofessionalism. So I will know without rudely interfering to find out what I’m picking up.

When I heard and understood that line in Avatar, I realised that I do see people. The odd thing is that in over 40 years of being aware of this ability, I have very rarely seen a bad person. I have seen many who are finding themselves wanting, but inside all of us is a beautiful soul, we are all wise people, we just forget all that on the way down the birth canal and become confused by humanity. Most people are an exercise in gorgeousness waiting to escape.

How to be a Dancing Star

  • Listen to yourself moan
  • Take it seriously
  • Make notes
  • Allow yourself to be you
  • Take the action you need to take
  • Do not let anyone else tell you that you’re wrong

You have a right to say you’re unhappy, and a right to design your own solution.

I did that when I was 34. I lost my entire family and all but two friends because my ex worked very hard to ensure that happened. It was the first time I ‘did’ my life my way. Did it hurt yes? Would I do it again – YES!

I do understand and you know where I am

To being the only you happily

Deb xx


Published by debdancingstarhawken7

I'm a writer, public speaker, medium, and spiritual thinker. I suffered from acute anxiety from the age of 16 until I was well into my 50s, after fearlessly exploring many ideas, philosophies, and tools, I finally found methods that helped me return my mind to a better normal. One of the things I hated about anxiety was the way people treated me like a fool or a problem, I have two degrees and I'm a (much) retired black belt, my IQ is decent, but I constantly felt like a complete idiot, something that was exacerbated by never feeling like the real me. The girl who could laugh endlessly about the smallest things, and had a real excitement about what life had to offer her. I didn't need anyone else to tell me I wasn't 'right', I knew that better than anyone. My mission now is to support people suffering as I did with a message of support with what they're going through, tools and ideas that might help, and a strong message of hope for the future. At 63, which I am at the time of writing, many people I know are in a rut, yet having beaten anxiety I'm now doing more with my life than I ever did when I was struggling just to get up in the morning, let alone face the day. It's a wonderful feeling - so the main message is that it doesn't matter how long you've been struggling or what age you are, when you beat anxiety you will get an entirely new lease of life - and that's fantastic at any age. On a personal note I'm married to my soul mate, we have 5 cats, and I live in the middle of the UK. I follow a number of fantastic thinkers, as it's important to immerse yourself in healthy thinking as often as you can, I'm a Toastmaster and professional public speaker, and I keep life simple and encourage my clients to do the same, and my friends.

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