All About You

Photo by Domen Mirtiu010d Dolenec on

I find it fascinating how often humans think that what goes on around them has nothing to do with them. What they feel is the fault of someone else. That if they don’t like someone that person is to blame. Whereas our entire lives are a result of what’s inside us.

Obviously we can blame our childhood training to a certain extent, and goodness knows I know first hand the dismal results of believing you’re family are completely right, or even know what’s going on. But at the end of the day, as adults we have a choice to continue to embrace thinking that hurts us, or to modify our beliefs and behaviour to have a more positive life.

True powerlessness lies in not taking responsibility for who you are as a person. Not blame for that, responsibility.

No one holds you back

When you don’t take your own power you feel powerless, simple. The problem is though that we’re taught to believe that powerlessness is caused by the actions of others.

We’re taught that we don’t succeed in life because they don’t want us to. Who are they? We’re told that the rich have it in for us, holding us back, taking everything that’s ours. How can they, who don’t know we exist, be doing anything to us? Some people are born with more advantages, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t take advantage and own it. Never let anyone tell you that you can’t, their beliefs may be holding you back when you’re well and truly capable of succeeding.

My husband and I

We were both born into poverty. In my case it was a very nice poverty in a wonderful community where no one had anything but you shared and helped where you could. For my husband it was still a good childhood, but the disadvantages piled up until he became homeless, through no fault of his own and a tragic set of circumstances.

He is a great success in his career, working at a senior level, and that is because he’s focused, determined, and self-determining. He hasn’t always had confidence but he has always chosen a focus and gone for it, sweeping aside those who think he can’t do things and proving that he can.

I, however, only stepped into my power recently, as in mid 60’s, and I cannot believe how much I allowed beliefs to hold me back. From the parents who thought I wasn’t worth educating, to the people who told me I was a nervous wreck and hypochondriac (thank goodness for the proper understanding of mental health we have nowadays), I was undermined to the point where I was functioning at about 10% of my capabilities and believed all the bad things people said, including the ‘friend’ who told me I was useless at sales and business.

Now I can’t believe I let any of that hold me back. In truth I never gave up and kept doing new things. At the time my family were laughing at me because I was nervous and stupid, I was running an amateur dramatic group, working full time, and wrote a play which the group performed. I was standing up to my anxiety whilst constantly being told I wasn’t. Why did I listen?

Shhh…don’t mention personal power

That’s because this fact wasn’t even a concept when I was young. These things were never discussed, nor was the idea that you got to define yourself.

As I moved alone the spiritual path I learned so much about what it means to be human, I learned what personal power really is, and how loving it is, nothing to be afraid of. I was always so scared that if I became strong I would go too far and become too strong. Someone I trusted actually said that to me as I started to find my feet, but I spoke to a friend who also used to be their partner and she said something I’ve never forgotten:

“He said that to me too, that’s because he’s used to both of us being weak and acquiescent. People find it very difficult to make the switch when you change as they’re used to you being pliable and admiring. Don’t listen, it will take you a while to find your feet, but you are well capable of monitoring your words and behaviour, very aware of others, and can trust yourself.”

Another factor that became apparent was that other people can be invested in you as a weaker person because you make them feel strong. When you start standing up for yourself they will try to force you back into your pattern. Read “The Dance of Anger” by Harriet G. Lerner. It’s aimed at women originally, but anyone could benefit from that book.

Awareness is key

If you want to feel happy inside then you need to stop being a person who seeks to be irritated as often as possible by as much as you can. Instead of looking at others and thinking they’re why you’re where you are. Look at yourself and ask how you can change it. They can’t, only you can.

The only person in your life is you
The only power in your life is you
The thoughts that shape your world are your thoughts (even if you borrowed them)
The choices of the past cannot be changed but the choices of the future can

Take ownership of your inner world, take ownership of your thoughts, take responsibility for your past, and power over your future. No one else can, no one else will.

To your happines

Deb xx


Published by debdancingstarhawken7

I'm a writer, public speaker, medium, and spiritual thinker. I suffered from acute anxiety from the age of 16 until I was well into my 50s, after fearlessly exploring many ideas, philosophies, and tools, I finally found methods that helped me return my mind to a better normal. One of the things I hated about anxiety was the way people treated me like a fool or a problem, I have two degrees and I'm a (much) retired black belt, my IQ is decent, but I constantly felt like a complete idiot, something that was exacerbated by never feeling like the real me. The girl who could laugh endlessly about the smallest things, and had a real excitement about what life had to offer her. I didn't need anyone else to tell me I wasn't 'right', I knew that better than anyone. My mission now is to support people suffering as I did with a message of support with what they're going through, tools and ideas that might help, and a strong message of hope for the future. At 63, which I am at the time of writing, many people I know are in a rut, yet having beaten anxiety I'm now doing more with my life than I ever did when I was struggling just to get up in the morning, let alone face the day. It's a wonderful feeling - so the main message is that it doesn't matter how long you've been struggling or what age you are, when you beat anxiety you will get an entirely new lease of life - and that's fantastic at any age. On a personal note I'm married to my soul mate, we have 5 cats, and I live in the middle of the UK. I follow a number of fantastic thinkers, as it's important to immerse yourself in healthy thinking as often as you can, I'm a Toastmaster and professional public speaker, and I keep life simple and encourage my clients to do the same, and my friends.

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