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For a long time I shared a lot of my thinking on Facebook, then one day I found myself severely restricted for a post on world peace and respect. I could see the single line their system would have picked on, but I could not make them see that the line drew a comparison between what was happening, and a far more ideal situation.

Because that ban affected my work page, I closed down a voice that was often called “the voice of reason”. I didn’t give myself that honorific, other people did. I’ve always had a way of being able to look at all sides of a subject and reach some kind of conclusion that mainly works well.

Yet there I was being silent in order not to be silenced.


Thinking is one thing, but it’s an entirely personal matter. Fear of speaking out, fear of conflict, fear of being wrong, all those things trap individuals in their own heads and close down vital lines of communication.

There is so much fake news out there now that it’s almost more important that we talk than ever before. Thanks to the world media we are aware of the levels of manipulation present in our various societies, and we are able to see that in play ourselves. No the media aren’t always trustworthy, but they are useful as long as we talk to each other, listen, and discuss.


Being able to listen without fear is a real skill. I came from a family where the elders felt that it was their responsibility to be right, and raised my generation accordingly. This led to us honestly and sincerely believing things that were wrong, not just about life, the universe, and everything, but about each other. Telling the older generation that you didn’t agree based on your life experience, resulted in the presentation of the age equals knowledge card, followed by a sending off! They also never told us at what age it would be okay to know…something!

It is so important to be able to listen to each other. To understand that we may be wrong about things but that’s okay. This is an immense world and we’re out in space starting to rummage around the galaxy now. Thanks to our super telescopes we can see things that aren’t even there anymore, and now understand that we’re not the only galaxy of our type out there. We don’t have to guess, they can be seen. We’re dealing with far too much in this universe to even begin to think we’re well informed.


Making judgements about what you hear is as much about seeing as what you’re hearing. Once you hear something that is new, doesn’t make sense, or seems ridiculous, you have the opportunity to go out there and research it yourself. People told me I was a Medium, I started to have odd experiences, I went and found out whether or not I had developed that ability. I had, and I tested it on dozens of strangers. So I can say I know.

I knew because I could see the reactions of people, as well as hear them saying that information was right. That’s why we must put these two things together and ask questions, such as:

  • Has this person proved themselves trustworthy?
  • Most importantly, do their actions in life match their words? Are they who they say they are?
  • Is this person in a position to know the truth they’re telling me? Can they show me information or tell me where to find it?
  • Do I see that this person knows what they’re talking about, do I see proof that they believe it in the way they behave? In other words, do they talk eco and buy petrol guzzling fast cars?

Of course I’m teaching most of you to suck eggs here, yet it still remains true that we will trust something said to us with an air of authority, without employing our eyes for confirmation, or to find more information to support what we’re learning.

Total Living

Using all the senses to understand the world and the people around us is what I call total living. We are genius machines, brilliantly designed, with our own minds, and five senses to help us navigate this world. Yet our ears are often made more important than the eyes that provide confirmation.

Of course, the 6th sense of intuition is made up of the other 5, plus listening to our hearts and gut. Using everything at our disposal gives us the best chance not just of working out what’s going on, but also of communicating and sharing the truth and good information.

It also stops us judging by what we think we see, if we turn the process into a circle and use our ears to find out more about a person, place, or event, etc., to fill out our knowledge.

However, I have another favourite tool that I employ religiously.

Conscious Incompetence

Many years ago I discovered the 4 levels of competence:

  • Unconscious incompetence: I don’t know what I don’t know.
  • Conscious incompetence: I do know that there is a lot I don’t know.
  • Unconscious competence: I’m doing better than I think.
  • Conscious competence: I do know what I don’t know, what I do know, and I’m confident about that!

In life I stay firmly in the conscious incompetence bracket. That continually reminds me that I may not know everything there is to know about all that matters – to me – and that I need to be mindful in the way that I approach life. The ‘to me’ bit reminds me of the individuality of others.

Yes there are areas where I know I have competence, and others where I may be better than I think, but as a general rule I feel that remaining mindful of how big, complex, fascinating, and populous this world is, is a good place to be.

There are literally billions of people out there who have their own life experiences. Who have seen fish I don’t know exist, climbed mountains I didn’t know were there, work in careers I’ve never heard of, and know things I didn’t even know I didn’t know.

More importantly, I’ve been judged so harshly in my life, that I employ that status to remind myself that a person isn’t just one book with one cover, they’re an encyclopaedia of experience wrapped up in emotions generated by things I don’t understand. I don’t understand them because I know I don’t know them fully. They’re too unique.

Less is more

Perhaps if we were all more willing not to know, to use our ears and eyes together, to understand each other before we even think about judging them, and to find out as much as we can about a subject before we allow ourselves to move into conscious competence, just maybe this world would be a happier place.

Less thinking – more inner integration – more connecting.

To your happiness and amazing adventures

Deb xx


Published by debdancingstarhawken7

I'm a writer, public speaker, medium, and spiritual thinker. I suffered from acute anxiety from the age of 16 until I was well into my 50s, after fearlessly exploring many ideas, philosophies, and tools, I finally found methods that helped me return my mind to a better normal. One of the things I hated about anxiety was the way people treated me like a fool or a problem, I have two degrees and I'm a (much) retired black belt, my IQ is decent, but I constantly felt like a complete idiot, something that was exacerbated by never feeling like the real me. The girl who could laugh endlessly about the smallest things, and had a real excitement about what life had to offer her. I didn't need anyone else to tell me I wasn't 'right', I knew that better than anyone. My mission now is to support people suffering as I did with a message of support with what they're going through, tools and ideas that might help, and a strong message of hope for the future. At 63, which I am at the time of writing, many people I know are in a rut, yet having beaten anxiety I'm now doing more with my life than I ever did when I was struggling just to get up in the morning, let alone face the day. It's a wonderful feeling - so the main message is that it doesn't matter how long you've been struggling or what age you are, when you beat anxiety you will get an entirely new lease of life - and that's fantastic at any age. On a personal note I'm married to my soul mate, we have 5 cats, and I live in the middle of the UK. I follow a number of fantastic thinkers, as it's important to immerse yourself in healthy thinking as often as you can, I'm a Toastmaster and professional public speaker, and I keep life simple and encourage my clients to do the same, and my friends.

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