Daily writing prompt
Describe a decision you made in the past that helped you learn or grow.
I’d learned a lot about spiritual thinking for years before my divorce from my first husband, but reflecting on this question I realised that this decision represented far more than I thought it did.
Not just the break-up of a marriage, that resulted in the break-up of an entire family, but the moment I chose me for the first time in my life.
I was the original miss goody-two-shoes, not because I was particularly good but because I was terrified to be anything else. As such instead of living my own life I’d lived the needs and wishes of everyone around me. This was the first time I said ‘for better or for worse I choose me’. It was the first time I felt that I had the right to say I couldn’t do something anymore.
The fall out was horrific, but of course I got past that, I’m a) determined and b) not afraid to change anything about myself or my life to feel better. For the first time though I just knew that no matter what anyone else thought, to continue in that marriage would be the end of me.
It’s taken me a very long time to realise the full impact of that decision, maybe, life is about layers as we know, but what a wonderful realisation.
Thank you for the question, it’s given me a real lift and reminded me that I’m the only person who can keep myself front and centre in my life, after the cats of course, and maybe a very few dear people. But there’s no danger there now, because those I am close to reciprocate.
Wow!
Deb xx
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Published by debdancingstarhawken7
I'm a writer, public speaker, medium, and spiritual thinker. I suffered from acute anxiety from the age of 16 until I was well into my 50s, after fearlessly exploring many ideas, philosophies, and tools, I finally found methods that helped me return my mind to a better normal. One of the things I hated about anxiety was the way people treated me like a fool or a problem, I have two degrees and I'm a (much) retired black belt, my IQ is decent, but I constantly felt like a complete idiot, something that was exacerbated by never feeling like the real me. The girl who could laugh endlessly about the smallest things, and had a real excitement about what life had to offer her. I didn't need anyone else to tell me I wasn't 'right', I knew that better than anyone. My mission now is to support people suffering as I did with a message of support with what they're going through, tools and ideas that might help, and a strong message of hope for the future. At 63, which I am at the time of writing, many people I know are in a rut, yet having beaten anxiety I'm now doing more with my life than I ever did when I was struggling just to get up in the morning, let alone face the day. It's a wonderful feeling - so the main message is that it doesn't matter how long you've been struggling or what age you are, when you beat anxiety you will get an entirely new lease of life - and that's fantastic at any age. On a personal note I'm married to my soul mate, we have 5 cats, and I live in the middle of the UK. I follow a number of fantastic thinkers, as it's important to immerse yourself in healthy thinking as often as you can, I'm a Toastmaster and professional public speaker, and I keep life simple and encourage my clients to do the same, and my friends.
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Deb Hawken 