If covid hadn’t been such a dreadful thing I would have described the lockdowns as the best time in my life.
I’d always struggled with who I am. I stopped work 10 years ago, started working for myself, things went wrong. I wasn’t successful but I didn’t really mind.
I felt that I shouldn’t be so happy just mooching around at home. Where was my ambition? Where was my focus and determination? Where was success?
During the first lockdown my husband was working from home, the cats were there, we could only go out for local walks, and I was peaceful and happy.
This was when I realised that it’s okay to be happy as who you are. It’s okay not to chase success. It’s okay just to love life. In fact it’s great.
Since covid came under control and life went back to normal, I’ve been really relaxed with the idea that I’m a person happy in their own skin and their own company. Previously I felt there must be something wrong with me. Oddly, since then I’ve done more work, more successfully than ever before.
This is because I now only do what my heart calls me to do. I realised that having experienced happiness and peace of mind, it’s much easier to decide whether I want to do something. And I don’t apologise if I don’t. It’s okay to say that’s not for me.
So covid was oddly a defining moment in my life, and I don’t think I’m alone in having realised a greater clarity.
I wish to God I could have found this a better way though. I truly do.
I'm a writer, public speaker, medium, and spiritual thinker. I suffered from acute anxiety from the age of 16 until I was well into my 50s, after fearlessly exploring many ideas, philosophies, and tools, I finally found methods that helped me return my mind to a better normal. One of the things I hated about anxiety was the way people treated me like a fool or a problem, I have two degrees and I'm a (much) retired black belt, my IQ is decent, but I constantly felt like a complete idiot, something that was exacerbated by never feeling like the real me. The girl who could laugh endlessly about the smallest things, and had a real excitement about what life had to offer her. I didn't need anyone else to tell me I wasn't 'right', I knew that better than anyone. My mission now is to support people suffering as I did with a message of support with what they're going through, tools and ideas that might help, and a strong message of hope for the future. At 63, which I am at the time of writing, many people I know are in a rut, yet having beaten anxiety I'm now doing more with my life than I ever did when I was struggling just to get up in the morning, let alone face the day. It's a wonderful feeling - so the main message is that it doesn't matter how long you've been struggling or what age you are, when you beat anxiety you will get an entirely new lease of life - and that's fantastic at any age. On a personal note I'm married to my soul mate, we have 5 cats, and I live in the middle of the UK. I follow a number of fantastic thinkers, as it's important to immerse yourself in healthy thinking as often as you can, I'm a Toastmaster and professional public speaker, and I keep life simple and encourage my clients to do the same, and my friends.
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