As I thought it was -
it wasn’t
It was the past
But I was never real
Because I was told things
about me
that turned out to have
nothing to do with me
I was told I was the only one
everyone else was okay
except me
Wishful thinking
no one else was okay
But the adults couldn’t face it
nor could the children
An entire generation
equally damaged
By adults
who couldn’t see their limitations
or admit their hurts
Fifty years later
I learned the truth
I wasn’t the only one
And yet
I was the only one saved
Guided by a mentor
Gently held by Spirit Guides
Learning new thinking
I’m good
The others not so much
So unfair
But to recover yourself
When there is darkness within
You must look outside yourself
Into the infinite
Into the light
To find who you always were
I knew that
they didn’t
I fought
They didn’t know to fight
So sad
So lucky
So determined
Save yourself
Deb Hawken
February 2023
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Published by debdancingstarhawken7
I'm a writer, public speaker, medium, and spiritual thinker. I suffered from acute anxiety from the age of 16 until I was well into my 50s, after fearlessly exploring many ideas, philosophies, and tools, I finally found methods that helped me return my mind to a better normal. One of the things I hated about anxiety was the way people treated me like a fool or a problem, I have two degrees and I'm a (much) retired black belt, my IQ is decent, but I constantly felt like a complete idiot, something that was exacerbated by never feeling like the real me. The girl who could laugh endlessly about the smallest things, and had a real excitement about what life had to offer her. I didn't need anyone else to tell me I wasn't 'right', I knew that better than anyone. My mission now is to support people suffering as I did with a message of support with what they're going through, tools and ideas that might help, and a strong message of hope for the future. At 63, which I am at the time of writing, many people I know are in a rut, yet having beaten anxiety I'm now doing more with my life than I ever did when I was struggling just to get up in the morning, let alone face the day. It's a wonderful feeling - so the main message is that it doesn't matter how long you've been struggling or what age you are, when you beat anxiety you will get an entirely new lease of life - and that's fantastic at any age. On a personal note I'm married to my soul mate, we have 5 cats, and I live in the middle of the UK. I follow a number of fantastic thinkers, as it's important to immerse yourself in healthy thinking as often as you can, I'm a Toastmaster and professional public speaker, and I keep life simple and encourage my clients to do the same, and my friends.
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Beautifully written
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Thank you Jane, that’s very kind. It came from a surprise revelation on Saturday. Poetry is so helpful when it comes to working things through. Take care. Deb
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