It may surprise you to know that even the people who genuinely love you may not be that helpful in your recovery. Partly because if you’ve been this way for a long time they won’t be able to see you any other way.
You may have tried to recover before and slipped back, so in their minds you may be making yet another attempt and their uppermost feeling will be fear that you’ll ‘fail’ again and be hurt again.
This book explains some of the issues you may face with the people around you very well. I certainly found it a great help. Although she aimed it at women I would recommend it to anyone, and not just for intimate relationships.
Let’s Talk Failure
If you’ve been trying to get better and it hasn’t worked then again, there are several possible reasons.
- You don’t believe you can get better because you’ve felt awful for so long.
- You didn’t isolate yourself from the things that are dragging you down.
- You were doing well and something happened that set you back.
- Perhaps other people kept telling you that you were still a nervous wreck.
What you’re not is a failure!
When I was at my worst I couldn’t see a way out. But one day I just hit rock bottom and knew that the only way was up, because I loved this world and loved my cats and still believed that life should be fun.
Have you hit the point yet that you’re fed up with feeling this way and will not put up with it anymore. It’s very helpful if you do, but a quieter determination will work just as well. You do need to find a determination to recover though, and that requires an absolute belief that you can and will recover.
Are you wondering if that’s even possible?
A Plethora of Self-Help
There are thousands of self-help books, websites, pages on social media, magazine articles, for a reason. Virtually ever single author of those works has been where you are, got themselves out of it with help, and then put their experiences down on paper just for you. A person they will never meet and yet you mean something to them. You mean that someone, somewhere, is as unhappy as they were and they can’t bear that thought.
This is my book written for exactly that reason. Sharing ideas as to how I recovered rather than the gory details of years of misery.
I also mentor people to change the way they think because as my hero Marcus Aurelius said “Your life is what your thoughts make it”. Fact. And the fantastic news is that it’s all in your control! Regardless of what you think or how you feel, you are the only power in your life.
I work on not just changing your thoughts but distracting them onto better paths, I throw in some of my spiritual work too because a) it was part of my solution, and b) when you discover you can do something quite unique that you never thought you could do…everything changes!
Going Back to the Folks
- You cannot have anyone around you who doesn’t believe you can get better.
- The people around you must be 100% invested in your recovery.
- Whether at home, work, with family, friends, if anyone undermines you as a person they need to be put to one side for at least a few months, and gone if they refuse to change.
You’ll struggle to recover if you don’t take those steps.
Don’t Do as I Say
I walked away from my family and all but 5 friends, two of which were in Australia. I was alone with a man I barely knew (we’re still together but it wasn’t an easy start for either of us), and an eradicated social life. My now husband worked very long hours from the word go and travelled with business, so when I say alone, I mean alone. Were it not for my cats…well let’s not go there.
Suffice it to say – it was the best thing that ever happened to me. If I did return to my family I often felt a pull to be as I was before, and sensed that people were a) looking for that person, and b) uncomfortable with the new one.
It was hard to put my continued recovery first, but that recovery has helped a lot of people since and removed me from a great deal of toxicity in my family that happened later.
Put yourself first, no one else will, and the people who love you and are on your side will thank you.
To your happiness