Anxiety and depression can become a default setting in your own mind and that of others.
The problem is that anxious, depressed people nearly always blame themselves for their feelings immediately, rather than stopping to think about what actually has happened.
Take a Step Back
When you feel your anxiety or depression kick in, stop and ask yourself what’s been happening. If necessary sit and make a list of everything you’ve found difficult in recent times, I suggest at least a fortnight before you started to feel that you were slipping again.
The odd (and wonderful) thing about anxious and depressed people is that they’re often extremely brave and strong people without realising it. They’ve actually put up with a heck of a lot for an incredibly long time, before they start to crack.
So before you dismiss yourself as being (insert self-punishing terms here), stop and think about what has happened.
And Don’t Judge Yourself
Different things affect different people and this is neither a sin or a crime, nor does it define you. If you can’t cope with something do your best to eradicate it from your life.
For example, I can’t bear gossip and nastiness, so if I meet people who are that way, may feel that they have the right to say what they think no matter the damage they do, I will walk away.
I will walk away from any situation that upsets me, and if you want to yell weakling, scaredy cat, or a string of epithets including the word useless in my wake, go right ahead. I do not care as long as you’re behind me.
You should feel that way too. But of course if you do people will often say then that you’re too strong, cold, scared of confrontation, and so on. Because people will always find an insult to explain behaviour that doesn’t suit their world view.
One example, when I was weak someone tried to help me become stronger, when I was and stood up to them on a point they immediately said I was too strong. So I shouldn’t have been weak and I also shouldn’t have disagreed. See how it works?
It’s not your fault if you can’t take something, but it is up to you not to put yourself in that position. No one else can make you stay, and no one can stop you from leaving.
Personal Power
Is not about anyone else. It’s not about being strong. It’s not about speaking your mind and other people can jolly well put up with it. It’s none of those things.
Personal power is quiet, self-protective, and based on valuing yourself as a human being. Remembering that the default setting of human beings is not to be right all the time, not to be perfect, and not to get everything right.
So from today start valuing yourself as a human who is entitled to be fallible, stop putting everything you feel down to your anxiety and depression, and start working out what you can and can’t deal with – without judgement.
You’ll probably conclude in years to come that you put up with far too much bad behaviour that was neatly packaged up in your anxiety and depression, behaviour that you personally couldn’t exhibit.
And THAT is the Key!
If you couldn’t do to others what they’re doing to you, there is a high probability that you’re not the problem in the room, and your anxiety and/or depression is there for a good reason.
To your happiness
Deb xx
Deb Hawken 